far as girls you gotta a flock i can tell by your charm…

only when i’m drunk

Juelz Santana Murda Murda (Welcome to My Damn Block…damn this beat is vicious and Cam kills it. [via am i high]

DJ Premiers Greatest Hits

I know the music has been weak for the better part of the last 5 years for a minute now, but now western sports teams are weak too? And in different sports?

To be or not to be a stay home dad (i know its long people, but PLEASE read):

Now, granted, I am aware of the advantages of commuting on that lumbering school bus and hence this is one of the reasons I don’t want to become rich, so as not to deprive my kids of all the life affirming shit privy to those of a more modest upbringing. The bus ride builds character, and that’s where you bond with your immediate clique, the ones from your neighborhood. The bus stop in the morning is your first opportunity to crack snaps at your boy who’s wearing Cross Colours because his moms didn’t finish the laundry. You get to get in all the good jabs before the whole 7th grade hall makes it a running gag all day. Plus it’s cold as hell outside at that bus stop in the morning and you all get to collectively complain about the piercing wind chill. And when Rashard, the obviously more poorer kid comes lumbering up to the bus stop in shorts and t-shirts doing his damnest not to appear cold you can all laugh at his impoverished state and yet marvel at his apparent sincerity in not being cold. He’s not even shivering! That nigga can’t afford winter clothing but this just adds to his preparation for the future in that he is immune to adverse weather conditions.

This is an advantage I’m personally willing to forego to have a warm, fashionable South Pole Bubble Jacket with fur lining the hood. I mean, wtf, is Rashard going to be the only survivor in a plane crash in the artic? I doubt it, that nigga has “high” dreams about traveling by Greyhound. That bus ride is the time where a kid can feverishly finish his homework that he neglected because of that seductive Martin/Living Single combo followed by a few rounds of PS1 gaming. It builds skills that will be very well needed in the future to be try so hard to legibly write coherent answers with your nylon 5 Star binder as your “hard surface” and the bus continually bouncing up and down causing errant scribbles and your pencil to poke holes into the worksheet. What that future task this prepares you for I don’t know. However, the mere fact that your bus ride is but 20 minutes and you have 30 questions forces you to think quickly - more than an answer a minute (you thought it would be easy because it was a bunch of TRUE or FALSE questions but you didn’t realize the instructions clearly said, “If false, explain why.” ). Next, you got to deal with those perpetually broken, and shoddy schoolbus windows. Who engineered these implausibly ineffective shields. Nice going putting in all the effort to protect the “Nations greatest resource” . You got to push those two jammed in triggers and push up but there’s always one that is stuck.. HARD!!

And it’s always the window that the finest girl on the bus is sitting. Of course, all the dudes want to play captain, (this just as that fairytale, disney archetype of the chivilourous knight is enacted, although the smarter of the boys will soon realize it’s futility, another life lesson.) but this isn’t about being a captain per se, it’s about closing that one motherfucking window that’s keeping the entire bus freezing cold!!(let’s not even get into the rain or snow aspect). The fact that you get to play captain in a residual way is somewhat irrelevant, but not in this case because it’s also a competition of strength between the boys. 3 dudes will try and eventually succumb to the intractable stubborness of the window, until one determined, blue-balled, horned up, Prince Arthur motherfucker steps up and slams that gotdamn window shut! The entire bus rejoices, even the nerds in the front. That’s another thing, the bus reinforces the pecking order. Kids who are driven to school miss this important lesson - we all fall into a social strata. There’s the front seated nerds, the middle seated average Doug Funnie niggas, the resevered cool kids in the intermediate back who stuff their ears with headphones and kick out their leg and have a seat to themselves and chill, and the wild, uncouth segment in the very back having all the fun, making funny faces at the cars trailing the bus.

Now, the people in the front will probably be the boss of the people in the back in the future, but that’s no consolation telling those kids that then…there’s nothing they want more than to sit even 5 seats back. The bus is where you can experiment sexually. Fingering, oral sex, flashing, all took place on public school buses, all while kids dropped of by mommy or daddy in their leather clad SUV think nothing is grander than enjoying a few minutes of the morning radio shock jocks before school. HAHA, lames. And let’s not forget the totally different nature of the afternoon bus ride. It’s just a different feel. There’s excitement and relief, and you aren’t bogged down by the stress of having to finish up homework hastily(except that the kids in the front are doing there homework now, so they’ll be burden free when they arrive home. To free up time for what, I don’t know). This is when everybody’s hyped up and talkative, and there’s alot to talk about. Some of your homies and homegirls are separated from you during the schoolday because they are in hall 7C while you in 7B so they all got stories different from you and you can exchange all the different storylines developing in the school drama on the busride home. You get to hear about how Mr. Perkins, the social studies teacher in 7A, cussed out Julius in 3rd period. You get to tell them how the beatdown of Kiara and Dana really went down and give your blow by blow, Larry Merchant analysis and weigh in on who “really won”. There’s alot of this shit going on, back and forth banter, and hollering out the windows at random niggas at the bus loading dock while the bus is still parked while hearing idle threats from the bus driver that “This bus ain’t going nowhere until Mr. Loudmouth puts his head back in the window and sits down.”. So of course at this stage of life, we are bucking authority, especially authority we know is pathetic like a school bus driver, so “Mr. Loudmouth” (Corwin) ignores the busdriver on purpose and continues rambling on out the window. The busdriver angrily stares back through that all-seeing rear-view mirror. Corwin still talks. This stalemate goes on for about 40 seconds, the kids in the front sigh quietly to themselves, until finally the wild clique collectively implores Corwin to “Stop fucking around nigga, I’m trying to get home!”. Only with these pleas is he is willing to accept defeat so he pulls his head inside. But he doesn’t sit down, he stays sort of sitting up on the top of the seat still unwilling to totally submit to authority. The busdriver changes the request to “Sit down!! Or we ain’t moving”. Another small stalemate happens and Corwin gleefully relishes this second round of pleas from his mates. He finally acquiesces and the journey home begins. Stories fly, pencil pop is played between the aisle, the nigga behind you goes up under you seat and secretly steals your bookbag and invades your privacy and laughs at your shit with the broad sitting next to him giggling at your notebook drawings, Mershawn is scribbling gang signs into the seats, Rene is braiding Mikes hair, niggas is eating mad candy and snacks just bought from some student council fundraiser and dropping the wrappers and shit all over the floor, some peeps is balling the trash up and throwing them around hitting kids upside the head and laughing they ass off, till one hits dude who is idlely listening to his CD player and he simply looks back with an intense evil eye and those dudes quickly end their shenanigans, etc. etc. All this social interaction is going on while Timmy and Samantha are picked up by Mommy in their climate controlled SUV and instead of going straight home Mommy decides they should all go to Steak & Shake and have some fucking Chili over Spaghetti and so-called “bond” as a family… LAAAAAME.

And then when the bus slowly empties, you’re left with your closest niggas, the ones only doors or a few buildings down, and you finally get off with them as the last stop. But the fun doesn’t end here, this last stop is the sight of many a built up tensions. I can’t recall how many times I’ve lingered around after getting off the bus just to instigate ill feelings built up over time to watch a fresh off the bus scuffle between some mates, be it male vs. male, female vs. female, or the always exciting male vs. female. OH OH, what about those brewing fights that happen before your intended stop. Many niggas who live 9 miles from this bus stop will file off prematurely just to see a fight, and the bus driver is none too happy to let it happen because all [s]he wants is to avoid it happening on their “precious” bus (the bus is like the Millenium Falcon to them for some reason lol). So basically the entire bus will get off at a stop that isn’t theirs just to see a fight, and sadly, usually these are the times where the anger fizzles and no fight happens to the dissapointment of all these kids who now have to trek home through the wilderness like fucking Jews. I think it’s the heightened sense of importance that frightens the combatants. The fact that nearly everyone got of the bus to witness makes it that much more of a prizefight, and that much more of potential fodder for other buses when these witnesses relay the events tommorrow at school breakfast, in class, or wherever, so the fighters just sort of tacitly agree not to engage in this hyped up affair. BOOO! Timothy and Samatha are just now ordering desert. And oh yeah, it was fun when niggas who don’t belong on your bus hop a ride. The busdriver is always suspicious. “Han Solo” doesn’t want any outsider on his precious M. Falcon so as the kids climb in from the bus loading area, I’m always amazed at how much the bus driver is familiar with his normal riders and how quickly he can spot an intruder. Almost to wit as soon as the infiltrator, DeMario, makes those three steps up, the busdriver holds out his arm to DeMario’s chest, lower’s his sunglasses in a James Bond way, glances him over and asks, “…Do I know you? Is this your bus?!”. DeMario will stammer or say something witty,funny, or make up a fake name, claim to be a new student, or say some non sequiter or some random rap line or running joke to the glee of all the kids on the bus. Not amused the busdriver tells him to “Get off my bus!”, until Ramond stands up in the back and says, “he’s coming home with me. That’s my cousin”. Knowing he’s lying but glad to have some semblance of liablity in case of pending trouble and just ready to leave and realizing he’s caring too much for the lowly job of being a bus driver he allows this intruder passage on his precious “1261″. He didn’t know he’d regret it as DeMario leads the back in writing scathing and puerile notes on paper and putting them up against the back window pissing off drivers in cars directly behind the bus, causing these grown adults to flip off children. All this built up trouble making is what caused the school to eventually install a mounted camera with it’s ominous flashing red light, which like the Eye of Mordor strikes fear in those rambunctious kids in the back…for a few weeksanyway… until they don’t give a damn about that camera any more. Tim, Samantha and their mom decide to stop by grandma’s before going home after their date at Steak & Shake.

This is why you don’t want to become rich and have maids, and gates, and 5 cars, and have your kids avoid normal, life-affirming shit…Like riding the bus and enjoying fire drills hopping out the back.

But if you a stay at home day, at least drop the heathens off at school. If you gonna spoil them by having a parent stay at home, you might as well go all the way cuzzin. WTF.

This entry was posted on Monday, September 19th, 2005 at 9:38 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.